



Dream camp 



OR 



A MODERN CRAZE 



/Lo4-tM#4 



m 



SREAM iS-AMP 



A MODERN CRAZE 



'LIKE ais:d love are all a dream. 



WRITTEN BY 

CHARLES ROBINSON 



COMPOSED BY 

WALTER S. .BIGELOW 




' i ROCHESTER, N. Y. 
PRESS OF GELHAAR, FLEMING & BIGELOW 
1890 






Copyriglited, 1890, 
CHARLES ROBIiMSON. 



TMPg6~006772 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



Agatha. " Sltr has <(n earnest intellect, a perfect thirst of 

Terrestra. " ' l)o this,' saith he. '■Alreailij, sir,' saith she.' " 

Pythia. "yl send too great, too Just, too noJAe to he happy.''' 

Ideala. So tcise, so !/oung. 

Aglaia. j 

EuPHROSYNE. ■ The three Graces. 

Thalia. \ 

Harold Augustus Hobbs. j 

Alphonso Remington White, ^r'' Jolt i/ (jfiij students." 

A. Ferdinand Gray. i 

Archibald Kensington Smythe. An Amjlomaniac. 

Hoop La. The little Jaji. 

('LARENCE Brown-Jones. ''Just fit to prattle at a ladi/'s 

feet." 

Macintosh Malcolm Macbeth. '■'Fearless he is, and scorn- 
ing all disguise." 

Chorus of Maidens. 

" Oh this learning, tvhaf a thing it (n.'" 

Chorus of Students. 

" LoveiviU ,ti)iil nnt the way.'''' 



Act 7.— The Grove. 
Act II.— The Camp. 
Act III— The. Vision. 



Time.— .'July, 1890. 



DRKATVI CAMP; 

OR, 

A IVtODKRN CRAZK. 



ACT I. 

Scene.— yl» opening in a grorc. On the left is a bust of 
Plato, on a pedestal. Givuped about the front of the stage is a 
Ijand of 7nodern college students, most of them in tennis costumes. 
Some are smoJcing, some have rackets, others base-ball bats, and 
a few hare banjos and guitars. 

Chorus of Students. 

Oh ! we are the jolliest students 
That in the whole world you can find. 
And 'though we're not wise, we are wealthy. 
And care more for muscle than mind ! 
From Harvard to far Minnesota, 
From Vassar to dear Wellesly, 
If ever you want some amusement 
Well furnish it right joyfully ! 

Refrain. 

Ah ! we are the jolliest students 
That in the whole woi'ld you can find. 
And 'though we're not wise, we are wealthy. 
And care more for muscle than mind — 
Yes ! more for muscle than mind ! 
Ah I hei'e we are ! 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



Bassos. 



Chorus. 



Tenors. 

From the druclg'ery of life 
At a college we are free — 

Each is looking for a. wife 
That to him a joy shall be. 

Quickly come foi-th then, and hear us, 
Oh ! maidens both dark and fair — 
Come, then, oh come ! and ever be near us 
To join in our frolics rare ! 

Come, then, oh come ! 

Refrain. 

Ah ! we are the jolliest students, etc. 

Tenors. 

We are trying to devise 

How to win the maiden's hearts. 



Bassos. 



Chorus. 



For they're Boston maidens wise, 
And secure from Cupid's darts. 



Quickly come forth then, and hear us, 
Oh ! maidens both dark and fair — 
Come, then, oh come ! and ever be near us ■ 
— But give up your learning rare I 
Come, then, oh come ! 

Refrain. 

Ah I we are the jolliest students, etc. 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Well, fellows! Hei-e is a " pretty 
howdedo.*" We learn that Mistress Agatha has taken a 
score of girls — 

A. McAllister Smith. The creme de la creme of the 
Boston "• Four Hundred I " 



DREAM camp; OR, A mod?:rn craze. 



M. Malcolm Macbeth. Oh, come, A. McAUistei- Smith! 
Give us a rest on your everlasting "Four Hundred.'" Your 
middle name is too much for you. Go on, A. Ferdinand 
Gray ! — give expression to our sorrows, voice our wrongs. 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Well, as I was saying. Mistress 
Agatha has taken a score of the cream — 

Harold Aug. Hobbs. Ice cream ! 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Of Boston society into the coun- 
try, to one of her deuced " Mental Culture Camps." We 
hear of it, pack up, and come out after them. What is the 
result ? We hang around, — we serenade them. They 
utterly ignore our existence ! They don't even do us the 
honor of telling us to go away ! They treat us like absolute 
nonentities, and continue to worshi]) their old heathen 
authors as though all mankind had died with them I 7 say 
somethiny must be done ! Clarence Brown-.Tones, you have 
had a good deal of experience with girls — what would //o» 
suggest ? 

Clarence Brown-.Tones {strlkiny the chord on A/s- (juildr). 

Solo. 

Leave them alone 
And they'll come home 
Leaving their Greek behind them ! 

( Students laugJi ). 

M. Malcolm Macbeth. I thinlc that we had better 
threaten them. Make them believe that we are all going to 
commit suicide. 

Harold Aua. Hobbs. Oh, pshaw, Macintosh Malcolm 
Macbeth ! They wouldn't care if we did ! We had better 
let the Harvard fellows paint their old Plato {■pointiny to the 
statue ) red. If that does not bring them to terms, nothing 
will ! 

Clarence Brown-.Tones. Harold Augustus Hobbs, you 
area little "fresh." You know that now we are dealing 
with ladies. 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



Harold Aug. Hobbs. ( Aside ). Yes I Dealing with 
queens and aces ; no kings in that pack — nov hearts either. 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Come, come, fellows I The girls 
will be here in a minute. When they finish their devotions, 
we'll see what can be done. 

( Exit Students, sinyiuy ). 

Chorus of Students. 

We are the jolliest students 
That in the whole world you can find. 
And 'though we're not wise we are wealthy, 
And care more for muscle than mind — 
Yes ! more for muscle than mind I 

( Enter Maidens dressed in Greccian costumes. Many icear 
glasses, and allhave their eyes cast down, or , fixed on the statue. 
2' hey march slowly to the front of the stage ). 

Chorus of Maidens. 

Maidens coming to thy shrine, 
Praising all thy thoughts divine. 
Turning to thy face benign — 

Oh ! hear our song I 
Off'ring sacrifice to-day, 
At thy feet our hearts we lay. 
And our homage duly pay 

With praiseful song. 

Hear us, Plato, as we sing ! 
All our love to thee we bring, 
Thou alone shalt reign as king 

O'er us supreme I 
Thou alone art truly wise ; 
We would see things with thine eyes ; 
Help us from the world to rise 

In lofty dream I 

Ideala ( placiny a icreath of laurel on the head of tlie bust ). 



DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



SOI.O. 

Here we crown thee by the might 
' Of a wreath of laurel brig-ht, 
And a maiden's saered right 
To choose her king- ! 

Chorus of Maidens. 

Maidens gathered "round thj' shrine. 
Praising all thj- thoughts divine. 
'Round thy temples laurel twine. 
And praises sing". 

Ideala, (while the Maidens, h(df recliniug, group themselves 
about the front of stage ). Sisters, in my slumbers last night I 
dreamed a dream I 

Terrestra. Oh. lovely ! 

Pythia. Something, no doubt, in the hearing of which 
our minds will be elevated ; in which our souls will spread 
their wings in lofty flight I Pray continue, Ideala. 

Ideat^a. 1 dreamed, Pythia, that 1 saw Browning and 
Plato communing together — not in the flesh, but in the 
spirit. 

Terrestra. oh, fudge I Ideala, you studied too late last 
night. 

Ideala. ("hild, thou art young, and understandeth not 
what it is to dream — to have the soul uplifted by a beatific 
vision . 

Terrestra. Oh ! Don"t I though ! I had a beatific 
vision myself last night. I took a Cure for Insomnia, — it 
always makes me dream. 

Ideala. Let the Secretary read Article 52, Volume I 
of our Precepts. 

Secretary ((•f«fZ/)i(/). "Confound not mind and matter. 
Seek not by material potions to stimulate the soul to 
activity.'" 



10 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Ideala. Now, Teri-estra, thy viaion. 

Terrestra. I dreamed about Harold, and Archibald 
Kensington Sraythe. 

Chorus of Maidens. Horror.s I Soul of Socrates pro- 
tect her ! She dreamed of vieti '. — and of college men I 

Terrestra. You can say what you like about Mr. 
Kensington Smythe. He is Ideala's lover — 

Ideala. Never I 

Terrestra. But Harold Augustus Hobbs is inine — and 
he is a thousand times better than your old quints. 

Chorus. {Hon-or strickm). Oh!! 

Terrestra. Yes, I am tired of tlie whole business. 
Higher education for women may be all well enough for 
such people as you are, but I have had all / want ! Did not 
Browning- and Socrates have wives ? I don't believe that it 
is right to devote yourself to mental culture, while you 
starve your lieart ! 

Chorus. Heresy ! 

Ideala. Benighted one thou ravest ! 

Pythia. Hush ! The priestess approaches. 

{The iiKiidi'iis )ise to receive her.) 

Agatha, [cntcriny. A t<(U ntdidei) of (lonhlfxl oge). 

Solo. 

Let the youthful and the fair 
Of the world, and men, beware ! 
Let them hide themselves in dreams 
Till what is, but folly seems. 
Hating matter — loving mind. 
Scorn existence ! Spurn manlvind ! 



DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 11 

Those who care for deeds and facts, 
Let them change to dreams their acts I 
Thoughts are noble — actions base ! 
Dreams exalt, but deeds disgrace ! 
Rising in a lofty flight 
Leave, ah ! leave the world of night ! 

Pythia. Oh, splendid woman ! Oh, lofty soul I Help 
thou me to scorn existence, for already I have learned to 
spurn mankind I 

Maidens (exceptiny Terrestra, who silentlij j:*o»^s'). Yea I 
and we ! 

Ideala. Ah! How I despise them! (Agatha nods 
((jyprorhnjln). But teach us, Madam, better to see nought 
but the ideal — better to roam through "the realms of 
thought." 

Agatha >i((ds herself iu Ihdv midst. 

Thalia. Yes, and help us to dream. 

Agatha. Why, child, is it so hard to dream V Oanst 
thou not lose thyself in waking slumber, see ideal visions, 
and build "castles " ? Canst thou not think for hours, as I 
do, (verij sloivly, and with abstraction) on — nothing — but — the 
—Highest — Good? [A 2jai(se. The)i siiddenlj/). Do you find 
that hard V 

Thalia. Oh! so hard I 

Terrestra. (Tmpatieutln). And how can dreams exalt a 
maiden? Does not exalt signify " raise up"? And J must 
first lie down befoi*e I dream. 

Agatha. Ah! foolish child! Wilt thou never cease 
confounding the practical and the ideal? By '' exalt"" I 
mean ennoble, beantifij! 

Terrestra. ( With sudden interest). Then does dreaming 
make one beautiful V 

Maidens lean forirard to ratrli the answer. 



12 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Agatha. Beautiful ! Is not our concept of the fairest 
maiden called "The Sleeping Beauty"? (Maidens lean 
back 'ivith closed eyex. Agatha surveys them with a took of 
scorn). Awake ! What foolishness is this — are you still 
vainV [The Maidens return to their former positions). Tell 
me, Pythia, has ought been done since sundown unworthy 
of a follower of Plato V 

Pythia. Ah ! madam — madam I One of our number h;is 
dreamed of Men ! 

Agatha (rising quickly. The others follow her example). Of 
men ! Men I Let the culprit stand forth I (Terrestra, 
apprf)aching, kneels before her). Thou, then, art the guilty 
one y 

Terrestra. Mercy ! Mercy I ( Willi a .4y look lou-ard 
the audience). I was but thinking of my Ideal man, and — the, 
— vision — came. 

Agatha. The Ideal was a man of Hesh V 

Terrestra. The — the vision was of such a man. 

Agatha. Oh base one I Unworthy wretch I Kneel be- 
fore the statue, and beg forgiveness. Pythia, stay and 
watch with her. (Terrestra rising, stands icith bowed head, 
while Agatha coiitinues). But listen, maidens I Gather 
around me — I hear the students now ajiproaching ! 
(Agatha and the maidens gather in a frightened group a1 the 
left of the stage, with the .statue in their mid.'ft). 

(Enter Students, at L 4.) 

Chorus of Students. 

Pray cease all your fooling, 
Have done with your schooling, 
Our ardor is cooling 

With nonsense so great ! 
There's no use in Talking, 
We soon shall be "walking," 
You'd best stoj^ your mocking 

Before it's too late ! 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



13 



It's wrong for you ladies 
To wish men in Hades, 
And treat them like babies 

Without any "sand " ! 
You ought not to do it ! 
You surely will rue it ! 
And why you should do it 

We don't understand. 

Repent ! we implore you. 
For Oh ! we adore you 
And bow down before you — 

Our hearts at your feet ! 
For mercy we're pleading, 
But if you're unheeding, 
We'll soon be proceeding 

Your tactics to meet. 



Agatha, (with dcfcnnination). 

Solo. 

Depart I Oh men ! you're helpless ! 
Do you think to move us now 
By threats, or by enti'eaty 

From our solemn, solemn vow? 

Chorus. Agatha and Maidens. 

Cease, we beg, your vain entreaty, 
You can never win our love. 
We are done with human passions- 
Sentiment we're far above. 

It's absurd — your aspiration ! 
You can never soar so high. 
You're deficient in the brain power, 
And before we stoop, we'd die ! 

Then away ! No longer linger. 
We no further time can waste. 
You are "of the earth most earthy," 
And corrupt us, so make haste ! 



14 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Chorus 0/ Students, (to atalience). 

Well, in truth, it's not conducive 
To our several self respects. 
After winning- in Athletics 
Thus to flee " the gentler sex'' — 

To Maidens— 

But farewell I for we ai"e going. 
If the love of manly heart 
Thus destroys your mental balance 
Why, of course, we must depart. 

Full Chorus, (Maidens rdiriiKj la riyht. Students /o 
left. Pythia (Old Terrestra ynnain, however, l:neeliiHi ljefoi-( 
the statue.) 

Fai'ewell ! Farewell ! and adieu I 
We're sorry thus to leave you^ 
But if you speak so 
Of course we must go — 
May Plato send wisdom to j'ou ! 

(Harold Augustus Hobbs and Alphonso Remington 
White linyer after the otlters h((re yoiw). 

Alphonso Remington White (a.mk to Harold Aug. 
Hobbs, l)oth stepping toward front of stage). What shall we 
do, Harold ? 

Harold Aug. Hobbs. Let's frighten them I 

Alphonso. Well, how? 

Harold. Oh I It is not hard to frighten a girl I Sup- 
pose we creep up behind them, and give the college yell. 

Alphonso. Good I But, )*o— that would never do ! They 
would think we were burglars, and scream. Then we 
should have the whole flock back here in a minute. 7'?? tell 
you what would be the very thing ! You steal behind the 
statue, and when they ask it something, — nobody ever 
prays unless they have something to ask for — you answer, 
rather squeaky at first, as though it was the statue ; then 



DREAM CAMP ; OR. A MODERN CRAZE. 



gradually come around to your own tone of voice, and let 
them know who it is. 

Harold. Smooth I That is line old man I And wont I 
give them some good advice I You just '"keep dark "" for a 
minvite. 

Harold Aug. Hobbs and Alphonso Remington White. 
Duet. 
Pvit up twenty to ten, that two college bred men 
Won't be long' at a loss to discover 
The most excellent way, in which they can play 
A good joke on a friend or a lover. 
Should the friend be a maid, you need not be afraid 
That they'll feel for a moment regretful. 
Though they solemnly swear that they never would dare 
To alarm her — you know their forgetful I 

When the deed has been done, and success has been won, 

And they find that their stratagem teases. 

They won't try to conceal all the joy that they feel, 

For with themihe maid does what she pleases. 

Though, of couse, we confess that she'll ne'er seek redress 

Nor ever be frigid or fretful. 

That she never will flirt, and will try not to hurt 

Their feelings — you know she's forgetful I 

Harold. Alphonso. I wish that ]/<n> would do the talk- 
ing. Of course, I would just as lief — only, somehow, I'd a 
little rather not. You see I am not much of a poet, and 
whoever heard of an oracle that answered in prose V 

Alphonso. Why, my deaJi boy ! It is easy enough 
rhyming — when you once learn how. Besides that kind of 
business is not in my line. Now go ahead, and I' will wait 
here. No matter if the metre is bad — it will be all the more 
like Browning, you know. And, if you get into a tight 
place — run into prose. 

Harold (reliictdntU/). Well, I'll try. 

{He crfej3,s behind the statite). 



16 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Pythia iijrdi/iug to the statue). Hear, oh Plato, this 
repentant maiden ! Lead her, I beseech thee, into the 
paths of light I Help her, oh great Man, to soar to heights 
of learning, and with her "//oy.se" to roam through the 
realms of thought, and to leap the chasm of time. Help 
her to forget the practical world of fads. Hear her, I 
implore thee ! 

Harold (/Vo)» hehind Ihestdtur, and sJotd)/ couidluq out- the 
syllables o» lus fingers). 

I turn attentive ears. 

(Pythia and Terrestra .starting, dutch eaeh other con- 
vulsively.) 

Pythia {to Terrestra). Pray 1 Oh pray ! The statue 
has vouchsafed a verbal answer I 

Terrestra. Oh great, good Plato, I meant not to do 
wrong. Forgive me, I pray thee — I could not help it I And 
was it so very wicked, just that once ? 

Harold [same as before). *' 

"Twas right I so calm thy fears ! 

Terrestra (disconcerted). Oh I Was it? — oh, I am .s'O 
glad ! I thought, oh kind, good Plato, that it could not be 
very bad — 



Harold. 



"Twas right, 1 now repeat — 
Indeed 'twas very sweet ! — 



( Willi enthusiasm.) Why! "An honest man's the noblest 
work of God ! " — and Harold Augustus Hobbs is such a man ! 
(Pythia, horror stricken., tears her hair, and pro.^trates herself 
before the .statue. Alphonso Remington White finds it 
difficult to restrain his laughter; while Terrestra, ?ooA'/»(/ up 
in utter amazement, sees Harold, tvho, pointing to the pro.'ttrate 
Pythia, and enjoining silence, continues.) Yea! I tell thee, 
my daughter, that thou didst well. It is only the foolish 
who imagine that 1 would have them ignore mankind, for 



DREAM CAMP; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 17 

whose comfort they were created ! Arise, I have finished ! 
{Hr steps out lidiglimgly, and Alphonso comes forumrd to meet 
him). 

Terrestra i point iny to Pythia). Oh, Harold! You 
have nearly killed Pythia. See ! she has fainted ! 

Alphonso. ()h. don't worry about her I I have seen 
her faint before ! 

(The three gathering around, fan her. Slie begins to rerii'e.) 

Terrestra. There! She will be all rig-ht in a minute. 
You had better g-o away — both of you ! 

Harold. Oh no ! We shall stay here and help her to 
"come to."' Then she will be so everlastingly gratefvil that 
she won't mind us a bit. 

Alphonso. Yes ! That is the better plan. But, Ter- 
restra, don't ever mention that it was Harold Augustus 
Hobbs, who answered your prayer. 

Terrestra. Oh, net er ! 

Pythia {slowh/ opening her ei/es, ninrninrs). Alphonso ! 
Alphonso {bending over her). Pythia! 

Pythia {starting up). Oh I Are you alive V— And a man ! 
Away ! Away ! I am .so disappointed : I had thought that 
it was only a vision, and now you are living-. Go away ! 
How dare you stay V 

Harold. Well, Pythia, you know you had a little faint- 
ing tui-n, we happened to be a — around, and ran forward to 
help you. 

Terrestra. Yes, Pythia, that is all. Do you feel better 
now V 

Pythia (notv lievself again). Yea ! Better in soul if not in 
body. Come, child, our prayer is answered ! My faint was 
but a momentary trance. {She turns to go). 



18 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Terrestra. But, Pythia, you will not leave these — men, 
without a woi'd of thanks? 

Pythia. Men ! Men ! Who speaks to me of men 'i T 
know not that such a thing- exists ! Come, Terrestra I (She 
sidlks (>fi\ followed nteeklij by Terrestra.) 

JiAROi^B {nmniiiy forwanl, intercepts her, and will not allow 
Iter to pass.) Don't know that we exist! Where are your 
senses? Look here, (pulUuy Alphonso toward her) don't 
you see this — ah — object ? Look at him ! Feel of him ! 
I'll pinch him for you and show you that he is alive. {He 
pinches his arm roK? Alphonso shrieks.) 

Alphonso (ruhtmiy his (trm). Here, chappy, I'll show you 
that I am alive, if you don't keep '" hands off.'' 

Harold. Oh, I was only showing- you off to the ladies. 

(Terrestra sniilrs.) 

Pythia (sctnufulh/, but icilh anirnation). Sir, you know not 
the first principles of the True Philosophy ! Of course I see 
him — or fancy that I see him — but may I not see myself in a 
mirror, and would you have me think that I am truly there ? 
Can I not thrust a stick into the water, and see it bent ? 
But would you have me think that it is really bent? We 
cannot trust our eyes ! 

Harold (thoHyhtfidhj). Yes, that is so. [Aside). I think 
that I have "seen double" sometimes. [Aloud). But 
surely you heard him shriek? 

Pythia. Heard him ! Have you never heard people in 
your dreams? Come, Terrestra, we must get past them ! I 
am bored by the inane actions of these 

Harold. Gimlets, madam ! Absolutely without life, and, 
being- so — in fact not here, at all — I think that you may step 
right over them. 

Terrestra. Oh, Harold ! 

Pythia. Silence, Terresti*a I How dare you let the 
name of a man cross your virgin lips ? 



DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 19 

Alphonso (asicU to Harold). Much good youi- advice did 
her ! And as to the lips, they are pretty apt to remain a 
virgin's, if the name of a man cZo»V cross them — eh, chappy? 
(Aloud). Come, come, Pythia! We are not going to stand 
any more of this I Terrestra, you know who we are, and 
what we are hei'e foi" — 

Terrestra {looking ((t Pythia). Indeed, sir, I am 
ignorant of your existence^because, you know, I— ah — wear 
in my hat the motto : 

Absolute Knowledge is Unattaina])le I 

(HOBBS and White ./W// inli> aich oIJk r's oirns). 
Harold (yusplng). "'Tu quoque," Terrestra? 

(Terrestra luKyhs and Pythia, lekntiny a littk, ftmUe,^ in 
.spite of herself. Both men, .seeing this, ru.sh forward. Alphonso 
taking Pythia by the hand, and Harold Terrestra, they 
advance to the front of the stage, and .sing.) 

Quartet. Terrestra, Pythia, Harold. Alphonso. 
Since — perhaps, we're not in existence, 
What's the use of off'ring i-esistance? 
Those who are not, cannot be doing 
Any wrong in pleasure pursuing. 

(Bet'ioeen tlic rer.ses they dance a little, ((nd Harold manages 
to tie his iiundkercheif over the .slat tie in sucJi a ic<(y as to hlind- 
fold It.) 

Tho-gl^ ) ;:S [ think \ ;^^ [ hands j ^ [ are holding, 
There's no need of giving a scolding. 

Ti- \ vou're / . r. • \ need / . \ fear / 

" i we're [ "othing, we -j ^^^^^ ,- not -^ ^^.^^, ^ you- 

Why in fact we would not be near you. 

{ While the.y sing the folloicing verse, enter HoOP La. He 
.st<tnds for a moment watching the si^igers in utter astonishment, 
then, turning a ''cart wheel,'' runs out.) 



20 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



In this strange, intelligent wooing', 

Wrong we never can be doing. 

So away with idle pretenses — 

Those do wrong who trust to their senses ! 

Onee more songs and frolic and dances — 
Since our joy the doubting enhances 
What"s the good of ''Absolute Knowledge"" 
When you"re free from school or from college?. 

Terrestra. Oh ! Isn't it lovely to know nothing I 
( 'Tkeypair oJj\ (tnd walk up anddotrn—PYTHiA with Alphonso, 
Terrestra with Harold). Just think, Harold, may be you 
are not here at all I Perhaps it is nothing but (dr beside me. 

Harold. Yes I Compressed air I 

Terrestra. Oh, but, Harold I Think, how ' iicrfrrlh/ 
awful ! Perhaps you have been dead and buried rrcr so 
long. (Site bcyiiis to (•;■//.) 

Harold. Oh I no, no, Terrestra I I'hat is absurd I Say, 
if you like, that I never existed at all, but don't call me a 
cadaver, — I — I mean an angel, because you know it would 
be such a dreadful sarcasm. 

Terrestra (cominy clone to him). Not so very., vei-y dread- 
ful, Harold. Besides I would rather think tluit, than think 
that you never were born, because then we never could 
have had any good times together. 

Harold. That is a fact, Terrestra I Only, if I am sin 
angel (in disguise of course), you must certainly be one, too. 
But suppose we say, just between ourselves, and you know 
that there is a bare possibility of its being true, that we are 
both human beings, and that I am 1 .' 

Terrestra. Oh, no I JJon'l th>nk that! I should he 
dreadfully wicked in talking to you, and, besides, Pythia 
would take me right away if she knew it. 

Harold. Well, I don"t know what we can think, 
then. It is bad enough to be told that one is ^' a nobody,'' 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 21 

but to be calmly informed that one is absolutely notlimy — 
not even an inaiiintate something — is worse, yet. Really, 
Terrestra, it is crushing I 

Terrestka. J^dor Harold I Don't you feel like anything 'f 

Harold. Yes, I Ud all right, but you know we must not 
rely on our senses. 

Terrestra. Not even our common sense V 

Harold. No : Pythia would never allow that I But / 
have an idea. Let us suppose — and, for all we know, it is 
true — that 1 am Terrestra, and i/oii are Harold Augustus 
Hobbs ! 

Terrestra. Oh I Wha,t fun ! 

Harold. And then you see we can talk as much as we 
like, because, of course, it is all right for yon to talk to inc. 
and I am such an old heathen anyway, that I do not care if 
I do sin once more in talking to you, a man. 

Terrestra. Oh, Harold I — I mean Terrestra, you are 
pi'i-ftctly splendid I But how shall we arrange a])out going 
back to the camp V It would never do for you to go. 

Harold [don-hi). No, I am afraid that it wouldn't. Some 
of the girls ntlyht be so foolish as to trust to their senses. I 
think that you had better go back to the camp again, and I 
to the hotel with the fellows — we shall be kind of spies in 
the enemy's camp, you see. Perhaps, too, we had better 
call each other by oui- old names. 

(Stcjipiny to the front of tin t<t(i(/( tlnij siny). 

Duet. Terrestra, Harold. 

Terrestra. 

How queer it is to be a man ! 
— But since this is the only plan, 
Imagine beard, and voice quite low. 
And as to clothes — well, let that go I 



22 dream camp ; or, a modern uraze. 

Harold. 

How queer it is to be a girl — 

To have my feelings in a whirl — 

To blush, and smile, and shake with fear 

When you, my loved one, saunters near. 

Terrestra. 

Let us rehearse — Come near to me ! 

Harold (coi/hj). 

Oh, sir I You shock my modesty. 

Terrestra (kiKsiny his liatal). 

I swear "tis you, alone, I love I 

Harold [axick]. 

I'm .so afraid hell soil my glove I 

Terrestra (with an ann uroimd him). 

Oh, darling, won't you love me, jjlease':' 

Harold. 

My little waist you must not squeeze. 

Terrestra. 

Ha ha I ha ha I You'll never do — 
A maiden's not so hard to woo I 

Harold. 

How queer it is to pretty be ! — 
To have the people gaze at vtc. 
To only feel one single care. 
And that's, of course, about mj' haii' I 

Terrestra. 

How queer it is no more to hide 
In modest speech a little pride. 
To boast aloud of muscle grand. 
And lovely blisters on my hand I 

Harold (trippi)iy across the stage). 

I'll play coquette with ev'ry man. 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 28 

Terrestra {stridling across the stctyc). 

ru smoke and swagger — /^' I can 

Harold. 

ru scream at every mouse I see. 

Terrestra {looking around icith ahirni). 
ru laugh at such timidity. 

Harold. 

And you must fan me when I'm hot — 

Terrestra. 

And do your bidding — tired, or not I 

Harold. 

Ha ha I ha ha ! I think you'll do. 
But I would I'ather, far, be you ! 

Both. 

Ha ha ! ha ha ! Now each will do. 
But / would rather, far, be you ! 

Pythia (ir}i() nifanwhilc Itas conic up irith Alphonso. Thei/ 
have stood on each side of the singers, in utter bewilderment at 
their looks and actioiis). Terrestra, I am sorely troubled. 
I begin to doubt whether, after all, we, and especially you, 
are acting wisely. To be sure Iputtiny her ami on Al- 
PHONSO'S shmdder) this — ah — thing — nonentiti/,&,s I would fain 
believe him, solemnly assures me that he is absolutely 
nothing — 

Harold. Merely zero in the shade V 

Alphonso {good hunioredh/)) Not even that — merely a 
shade I 

Pythia {conti)ud.ng). Still I do not know. It is very hard 
not to believe what one sees, and hears, and feels. [To 
HOBBS). And you, sir, are you absolutely certain that you 
are not you ? 

Harold. Absolutely ! 



24 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Pythia. Teri-estra, I I'eally cvnufo? believe that we are 
acting- with proper decorum. I am afraid that these men 
ai-e laughing at us. I should like to doubt my senses if — 
( 'ome Terrestra ! 

Terrestra. But, Pythia, I am swr about Harold. I 
know that he is not there— (ijointing to him) — and as for 
myself, I am equally confident that I am not I. 

Pythia [douhllulhj). Perhaps so, but I believe in every 
one going according to their own light, and my brain tells 
me — 

Harold. Ah ! youi light is a head-light I 

Pythia. Exactly I — That these arc real live men. and, 
that being so, we must go away immediate] 1/ .' 

Alphonso. But, Pythia, see here ! Suppose for a 
moment — a most absurd hypothesis — that we are men. 
Why should we not be allowed to worship with you, to 
drink with you from the wells of Knowledge. How can you 
expect our intellects to cope with yours, if you deny us the 
right of intercourse with learned souls I 

Harold. Yes, Pytliia— and Terrestra, this at least is 
reasonable. If you cannot do better, surely you will grant 
us Co-Education. 

(Harold 'OK? Alphonso ;W// Oil their kims and vith laoids 
itplifted intijloriiiglii ftai/: ) 

Harold and Alphonso. This one boon we beg thee ! 

{Enter Hoop La, he stojis far a monwiit, in utter asfonishinenf, 
and then tn-afs a heisti/ retreat). 

Pythia. Perhaps so. I will see, but— oh ! run away I 
hurry, hurry I The maidens are coming I 

[Exit Harold a hc?, Alphonso, in haste. Pytuia, rushiny 
to the statue, snatches of Harold's handkerchief, gives it to 
Terrestra, emd 1)oth kneel tiefore the statue). 



dream camp ; or, a modern craze. 25 

Finale. 

(Entrr Maidens). 

Chorus of Maidens. 

Sometimes praying, often singing, 
Hear our maiden voices blend 
In a harmony befitting 
Him wliose statue we attend. 

(Pythia and Terrestra risuiy.Join the otln rx). 

Not a ballad, not a ditty. 
But a solemn song of praise. 
As becomes a Boston maiden 
We devotedly would raise. 

Singing for the elevation 
Of an ignorant mankind. 
Who in symphonies less pleasui'e 
Than in comic op'ras find. 

[Tuftiing to the statue). 

Grand the task we"ve undertaken ! 
For, inspired by thee, we'll try 
By our deeds, our minds and voices 
All the race to modify ! 

{Enter Students). 

Chorus of Students. (3b same air.) 

We have heard your "lofty purpose," 
We admire the " sand " you've shown — 
But you're teachers without pupils. 
You can't elevate alone I 

Grant us but co-education 
And you'll see how we shall strive — 
We'll surprise you, when we show you 
How on roots our minds can thrive. 



26 DKEAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Agatha {with dignity). If we thought your proposition of 
eo-education was made in good faith, we should resent it as 
an insult — As though men were equal to women ! 

A. McAllister Smith (insrrtiiuj Mk cj/cgJass). Oh I Oh ! 
What a wude, howid cweature I 

A. Ferdinand Gray. But, madam, we do mean it, in all 
sincerity. We come merely as pupils to you — the head of 
an education company. 

Harold. Yes, what we ask is simple enough. .Just 
change to co-education, your Education Co., (Limited). 

Agatha and Maidens. Never I 

A. Ferdinand Gray {piqi(cd). Very well, then. 

Solo. 

Bu^ don't think we'll be obtrusive — 
Though in truth you make us mad ! 
You're so duccdb/ exclusive 
In this latest English fad I 

Solo. Agatha. 

Naughty man ! Don't be abusive — 
We are women. You are men. 
Tennis oaths are not conducive 
To our peace. Don't swear again ! 

Chorus of Students {con fide nthf). 
But we're very diplomatic 
— Though diplomas we have few. 
And in methods systematic 
We're quite sure of winning you. 

Chorus of Maidens (snecringly). 

Yes, you may be diplomatic, 
Though diplomas you have few. 
We care more for mathematics 
And for classics, than for you ! 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



Full Chorus. (Men wriuguKj their liauds, yirls tcith cxulta- 
tio)i). 

Now, indeed, it is quite helpless, 

For it's sad, but very certain 

That -i they've } ^ ^^ ^j^ woman's sphere. 

( we ve ( '■ 

All the cooking, and all sewing 

-TTT ^ r will evermore disdain, 

Buttons, bonnets, bread, and babies, 

-iTiT ^'^ ^^ - abandoned for the brain. 
We ve ) 

(Curtain). 



ACT II. 

Scene. — The Camp. On the left, near the front of the stage, 
is the statue of Plato. On the right is a house, loith a hell 
hanging over tJie door. At the Ijdck of the stage, to the extreme 
right, is a tent — Agatha's apartment. Beyond is another 
tent, bearing across the front a Ijanner, ivith the words : "To 
^vfMTTocriov."' The remaining hack of the stage is a slight hill. 
Elsewhere trees line the stage. It is night. EntertJie Students, 
all in Macintosches, with collars turned up. They carry 
guitars, banjos, etc. Steiding across tJie stage, they stand before 
the house and sing. 

Chorus of Students. 

Softly retreating the shadows, 

Chasing each other at will. 

Flee from the stab of the moonbeam 

Playing on casement and sill. 
Silently fly, Oh, ye shadows I 
Silently dance. Oh, ye beams I 
There a fair maiden is sleeping, 
There my beloved one dreams. 

Gently the breezes are blowing. 
Bending the trees as they pass. 
Softly the dew, in descending. 
Kisses the flowers and the gi-ass. 

Silently fall, Oh, ye dew drops ! 

Silently blow, gentle breeze I 

There a fair maiden is sleeping — 

Quietly bend, oh, ye trees ! 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Hush the priestess is stirring. 

(Students lean forward to listen). 

Agatha (within her tent). Awake, Phaedra ! Hear the 
" Voices of the Night."' 



DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 29 

[Exit students td right. Clarence Brown-Jones, A. 
Ferdinand Gray, Alphonso Remington White, M. 
Malcolm Macbeth, <i)id Harold Augustus Hobbs n- 
main, hoivever, and hide ttehind the trees. At the door of 
Agatha's tent appear Agatha and Phaedra. Concealed as 
much as possible ht/ the flap., nothing hut their Jwiuls and uplifted 
arms are seen. Agatha poises a hook, rradt/ to throw it. 
Phaedra hrandishes a hat pin). 

Agatha {peering <(round). Surely, no one iw here. 

Phaedra. And 1 heard no voices. 

Agatha. No I 1 oh were asleep. What could it have 
been V 

Phaedra. The ca,t, perhaps. 

Agatha {scomfulh/ pointing to a footprint). No, Phaedra. 
No ! Cats do not wear number nine shoes I But come ! We 
have frightened them away, and they will not return to- 
night, so 1 shall wat(.'h no longer. Besides, it is hours past 
midnight. (They retire to the tent). 

(A moment's ■pau.'^e). 

M. Malcolm Macbeth. Blamed unlucky, that footprint 
of mine I 

Clarence Brown-Jones. Yes, dreadfully ! But, chappy, 
she guessed the size pretty well — doncher know I 

Macbeth. Yes, the old idiot ! It must be her own size I 

Alphonso. Ha ! ha I 

[Another pause). 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Hobbs, you know your part — to 
find out all you can from Terrestra, and especially their pro- 
gramme for to-morrow. (Hobbs nods assent). Come, fel- 
lows ! 1 guess it is safe now. If you listen closely you can 
hear the fair maiden — Hm ! — breathe ! {Creeping from their 
couceedment, each student takes a position hefore a different 
window of the house). 



80 dream camp ; or, a modern craze. 

Jones, Gray, White, Macbeth, and Hobbs. 
Quintet. 
Peacefully sleep, Oh my darliny, 
Your lover is watching below. 
Dream ! He will guard o'er thy slumbers 
'Till night into morning shall glow. 

1. 

The night has enfolded, beloved, 

Us both in her tender embrace. 

The arms of the darkness are 'round us 

The sun, dear, has hidden his face. 

Refrain. 

Peacefully sleep, Oh, my darling, etc. 

2. 

The fair moon is shining, beloved, 
Her beams fall on you and on me ; 
But mine I am sending as fairies 
To whisper a message to thee. 

Wakest thou, then, Oh my darling? 

Dost take the pure love that they bring ? 

Surely the beams are returning — 

So hush ! Let us list while they sing. 

(Maidens lean from the windoics, one from each. Terrestra 
at a lower windoiv). 

Terrestra, Ideala, Pythia, Aglaia, Thalia. 
Quintet. (To- same air). 
The moonbeams have whispered a message: 
They said, Oh beloved, 'twas thine. 
I heard, and I kissed them, my dear one, 
And sent back a message of mine. 



I bade them to whisper, beloved. 
That blossoms I had not e'en one. 
But only a leaf as a payment 
For all the sweet songs you have sung. 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. lil 

[From each -icmdow .flutters a leaf torn from an edition of 
Plato). 

Linger not longer then, dear one. 
The moonbeams will guard with their light. 
Silent they watch us, my lover — 
Farewell ! farewell ! and good night ! 

Students {retiriny). Quintet. 

Silent we watch, and we leave thee — 
Good night, beloved ! — good night ! 

(Exit Students, excepting Harold, who goes to Terres- 
tra'S window and leans over the sill). 

Harold. Terrestra, you did not think that 1 would go 
away so easily, did you V You ought not to try to get leaves 
from a leaf — it is unfair — especially a leaf from Plato, 
(holding it tip) which I confess is all "Greek to me." 

Terrestra. But, Harold, you must go away, right off ! 
Goodnight! I cannoi let you stay another minute. Don't 
you see, we — have — no — no chaperone ! 

Harold (langhing). Oh ! 'That is all right. Why, 
Terrestra, you have not forgotten have you ? You are 
Harold, and I am you, don't you see ? I am not a bit 
squeamish, and as for you — why, it is great larks for you. 

Terrestra. Is it ? Oh ! how nice it is to be a man ! I 
wish that I might alwai/s be one. 

Harold. Why, you can ! And perhaps you always have 
been one — only we never knew it before. (Aside). But I must 
hurry up with my questioning. 

Terrestra (laughing). Oh ! Harold, is it not funny V 

Harold (loith a pre-occupned air). Yes, dreadfully ! 
(Solemnly). Terrestra! I have something very important 
to say to you to-night. Something to ((sk you, which con- 
cerns the happiness of — 



32 DREAM camp; or, a modern craze. 

Terrestra. Oh, Harold ! Harold I You must not talk 
that way ! Don't '/Oi< remember ? You are a yirZ, and — and 
you can't say anything- about — about th((t until — leap year! 

Harold (aMde). For Heaven's sake ! She thinks I am 
''popping the question.'' [Alotal, and much embarrassed). 
Hm ! Yes ! That is a fact, Terrestra. Much obliged, I am 
sure ! I — ah — forgot I I suppose that I mK!<t wait until leap 
year [to the audience) and until my beloved and wealthy uncle 
dies. [Alnud). But what I really wanted to say — that is, 
another thing that I wanted to say, was this: We fellows are 
getting tried of only seeing you girls through an opera 
glass — we could have done that by simply going to the box 
office, like other people — And if we do not accomplish 
something to-morrow, we are going away for good — 

Terrestra (archhj). For J)ad, you mean. 

Harold. Well, yes I for bad. Now, Terrestra, you being 
a man, it is your duty to help us ; and if you know, or can 
find out what the programme is for to-morrow, 1 tliink that 
we can have some fun. 

Terrestra. Well, I will ask Pythia, and let you know 
in the morning ; because, I suppose, that I ought to, and, 
besides, it would be a pity to have you all go away. 

Harold. Yes, you dear girl — man, I should say — of 
course it would ! But good night ! I must hurry away. 

[He starts to <jo). 

Terrestra {calling him back). Oh I Harold, — who — don't 
ever tell that I asked you — who won in the ball game yes- 
terday ? 

Harold. We did! Seven to four. (Waving hin luind). 
Farewell ! 

Terrestra. Did you V Oh, I am so glad ! Good bye ! 

(Exit Harold). 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 33 

Terrestra {alone). I wonder if he did mean to ask me to 
marry him. Poor fellow ! He was awfully embarrassed 
when I told him not to talk so. I felt just like saying : 
'' Excuse me, I am sorry I spoke," — only I knew that it 
was slang. Oh, well I Next year is leap year — and it is 
(dmost here I (She leare>< the unndmc). 

{Enter from left, Hoop La, ok a hicycle, wJilch he rides nearly 
across the stage., and conceals tiehind a tree near the sipnjjosiion. 
Enter from left, Archibald Kensington Smythe). 

Smythe. Hello ! What's the mahter V I wondah what 
the Jap is dooing heah. I will discovah I {To HoOP La) 
How are you, chappy, old fel. Sewenading the ladies 
again ? 

Hoop La. Te he he I Me serenadeel Good joke I 

Smythe. Yes, vewy good joke. [Aside). What shall I 
say to intewest him — to dwaw him out? {Aloial). Ah ! deah 
boy — fascinating scenery, eh ? 

Hoop La. Ver nice ! 

Smythe {aside). Queah duck I They say that he is one 
of "the uppah ten '" ovah in Japan. [Aloud). Eh, .Tappy, 
old chap"? 

Hoop La. Me no hearee what you said. 

Smythe. What are you doing out heah so late ? Arn't 
you afraid some one come steal you"? 

Hoop La. Steal me ? Not if you here I They takee you 
first — ha I ha I 

Smythe. Steal me V Ah I I would slay the base wobbah I 
But, what a sensation would be cweated in the Amewican 
Awistocwacy I Why, I will steal myself sometime, and 
become famous for so atirocious a cwime I 

Hoop La. Aristocracy? (He takes from his pocket (( Web- 
ster's Handy Dictionary, and looks iqj the word). Oh I Where 
is the American Aristocracy '? I haf not seen it. 



M DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Smythe. Not seen it I Why my deah Hoop La — (aside) 
what a vulgar name — I would certainly change it — (aloud) 
where is your eyeglass V Look at heah, dear boy, at nte. 1 
am one of the Amewican Awistocwacy ! {He struts across tlw 
stage, andfachiy the audience, continues dramatically). A scion 
of the — the — plutocwacy of this noble countwy ! I (Insert iny 
his eyegi((ss, he gazes racanlhj nl the andioice. for a moment, ami 
then at Hoop La). Ah ! 

Hoop La. Gracious ! 

Smythe. Do not be fwightened, deah boy. I am harm- 
less. But, Hoop La, what is the Japanese Awistocwacy 
like ? 

Duet. Hoop La, Smythe. 

Hoop La. 

In the nobility of Japan, 

Built on a partially " blue blood '" plan. 

You turn up your nose. 

And wear pretty clothes, 
Taking in all of the teas you can. 

Smythe. 

Here, too, nobility goes to teas— 
Nobody cares for your pedigrees. 

By pacing your way 

You get the entree, 
— The louder your clothes the more they please. 



Both. 



Refrain. 

It's very hard to be a swell. 

At least to do the part real well- 

Por, " doncherknow" 

If you'd be so 
You must in nothing else excel. 



(Thei/ dance about the stage). 



dream camp ; or, a modern craze. h5 

Hoop La. 

' Japanese swells must, of course, have cues, 
All kinds of labor, of course, refuse. 
Reclinino- at ease 
They're tryiiifj' to please — • 
Fanning' and flirting' as much as they choose. 

Smythe. 

Here also swelldom must idle be — 
— Bored, you know, awfly, by all they see. 
Then, acting- inane 
And possibly vain 
How can vou shine in societee ! 



Both. 



Refrain. 

It"s very hard to be etc. 

(ExU Archibald Kensington Smythe). 

Terrestra [comlny to Jar irindon- and hcckoning to Hoop 
La). Mr. Hoop La I (Aside). He did not hear me. 
Dear me I I wonder if Hoo}) is his first name. (Aloial). 
Ahem I Mr. La I Will you step here a moment ? (HoOP 
La comes to the icindoic, iDid as Terrestra speaks reri/ loic, 
cliinhs on to the sill to listen). I am re/-// sorry to trouble you, 
but here is a note whii-h I promised to send to Mr. Hobbs 
— just to tell him about our programme for this morning. 
Would you mind giving- it to him, please ? — You know Mr. 
Hobbs, do you not V 

Hoop La. Yes, Miss, 1 kn(jw Mr. Hobbs and will give 
your note with the greatest joy — 

Terrestra (/('.s'^f-^mi/). Hush! [A moment's p((H.'<e). Oh I 
Mr. La, it's Ayatha '. ! 

(She pnlls Hoop La heod foremost, nlnio.'>t trholUj into the 
room, onli/ liis little feet and ankles re)naininy, kiekiny over the 
iLyindoic .^ill. AGATHA, who, heariny the voices, heal looked out 
from her tent, seciny tin; waviny leys marches down upon them. 



36 DREAM camp; ok, a modern craze. 

Terrestra, giving Hoop La a final lurch, subsiiiukt< her own 
arms, in their gaudy 'wrapper sleeves, for the legs of the- Jap., 
and idly leaves tJieni, as she stares vacantly into the night). 

Agatha (coming up). Oh! Terrestra I Is that you? 
And no one else ';** You gave me such a fright ! But what 
are you doing here V Why are you not in bed V 

Terrestra. I could not sleep, dear Agatha, and caine 
to the window to — to — commune with the — {she looks toivards 
Hoop La) — the unseen, t meant not to distui-b your 
slumbers. Give me a good night kiss and perhaps I can 
sleep again ei-e morning. ( They A'/'.s.s). 

Agatha. Child, it delights me to lind you thus devoted. 
I shall sleep more soundly foi- the interruption. (She irtires). 

Terrestra (aside). I most sincerelj- hope you will ! (To 
Hoop La). Poor Mr. La! Did I hui't you very much':' 
You see I really could not help it — but — Oh ! — I nei'cr 
thought ! You must go away at once — here, take the note 
— hurry ! 

Hoop La. Yes, Miss, with the gi-eatest joy — I bid you 
adieu ! 

(Climbing down, he runs to xvhere he left his t)icych\ ionl 
mounting it, scuds off. Exit at right). 

(The bell rings, enter from door of house. Thalia. The Ijell 
rings again, enter from same, Aglaia. Again the bell rings, 
enter Euphrosyne. Thalia carries a duster, Aglaia (/ pail 
of water, Euphrosyne a broimi. They walk demurely to the 
center of the stage, where Aglaia deposits her Imrden ; then all 
joining hands, they advance. Ad a\a A in the center, to the front 
of the stage, and sing). 

Trio. Aglaia, Thalia, Erphrosyne. 

Thalia. Thalia ! 

Aglaia. Aglaia ! 

Euphrosyne. Euphrosyne ! 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 37 



All. 



The three, charming Graces are we. 
Descendants you know of the ancients, 
We'i'e really of good family. 
Inheriting all their best features. 
Their names we've adopted, so now 
We do all the choi-es in the morning — 
No others could Plato allow. 

[They hci/itt Ihiir trm-k- an and tiJxiid the st((tu<, (i)ul sl)i(/ 
whili' H'orkiiKj). 

Aglaia. as standing foi- splendor. 
This morning shall wash our god's face. 
And rub down his sides and shampoo him. 
While we two just clean up the place. 

AcJLAlA. Aglaia ! 

Thall^ Tlialia ! 

EUPHROSYNE. Euphrosyne I 

The three charming graces are we. 
Descendants you know of the ancients. 
We're maidens of long pedigree. 

(.l.s theij stny the hiftt litie theij courtesif, <fnd .^t((rl (lonureli/ 
hack. Hearing the Students upprtmddng, they ii(rn and listen 
for a moment, and then rush wHdUj into the house. Enter from 
left the Students, disyiiitied a-ith Oxford (-ap.^ and gowns, and 
led hy A. Ferdinand Gray, as liead Professor. Tliei/ 
advance stealthil;/, and one hy one. to tlic extreme front of the 
.stage, and simj in low nionotonfnis ehanl). 

( "HORUS OF STUDENTS. 

The deed is done, 
The die is cast ! 
The victry's ours 
We hope at last ! 
We've dressed us up 



38 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

In caps and gowns. 
WeVe added beai-ds 
And dreadful frowns ; 
For yester eve. 
In Greek we wrote 
And sent to camp 
A little note. 
It said : A band 
Of learned — bores 
Had come to town 
From England's shores. 
That they had heard 
The statue spoke. 
And so would come, 
Its gace invoke. 

(Moviny op' sidrtmi/^: lo <xil at riyhl). 

.lust now friend Hobbs 
The hour has found — 
When that thing speaks 
We'll be around ! I 

(Exif Students). 

{E)iter iVOATHA from her tent. In Iier Ixaid six (■((rrk,-< n 
black box labeled "Thunder Clap Phonograph.'' Slie 
.stealx qmetlij toward front of fttage). 

Agatha. How sweet is revenge I And revenge is mine I 
(Sti.e inserts tlte pJionograpJi into the pedestal of the bust). When, 
at sunrise, the maidens kneel before the statue, and implore 
it's favor, entreating that it may name one of their number 
who shall consecrate herself to it forever, so that we. the 
others, may be free to mari*y whom and when we please — 
Then! Ah! — Then it will name my rival ! (Passionately). 
Luny have I loved one of those gay students — so bright, so 
fresh ! so sweet ! ! But he — Harold, my Harold Augustus 
Hobbs — blind fool — nay, innocent babe that he was, has 
loved that horrid frivolous little minx — IVrrestra ! Oh I 
Harold — mij love, thou art blind, indeed ! But now — now — 



DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 39 

I have whispered into the phonograph (enter quietly, from the 
kft, Harold. He hide.s behind a tree and listens, ) the name, 
Terrestra — and, when the proper time arrives, I turn the 
crank, the statue names her, and 1 am free and avenged ! ! 

{She hredks into the folUnring song, (icc(niip<(}iying it by a icild 
d(ina ; HAROLD, nieftnirhih . making rarious grimaces). 

Solo. Agatha. 

Oh ! Harold my own love — Harold my own I 
Long have I loved thee — suffered alone. 
But now comes revenge, vict'ry and life ! — 
Oh ! Harold, my old love, 77/ be thy wife ! 

Suff'ring is o'er — 
I'll be no more 
Left in the cold. 
Spinster of old — 
Living alone — 
Harold my own I 

( While she migs the following rerse, Harold secretly ta]>:es out 
the phonograph, grinds out Terrestra's name, and whisxters 
something netc into it). 

Oh ! Vengeance most dear — dearer than he I — 
Long have I loved thee — waited for thee — 
And now have I won thee — made thee complete. 
Terrestra shall fall I — And Vengeance is sweet ! 

Maidens take care 
How you shall dare 
Ever to sneer — 
Spinsters are queer — 
Best be sedate 
Else they may hate I 

{Exit Harold. The bell rings, Agatha composes herself, 
and looks expectantly toward the door. Again the bell rings. 
Enter the Maidens from the house. Enter the Students, in 
their di.%fui.'<e, at back of stage). 



40 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



Chorus of Maidens, Ifd by Agatha [addressing tlu 
Studp:nts). 

Creetings we extend to thee. 
LearKed souls from o'er the sea — 
Two great nations, one great aim, 
Welcome in our statue's name I 



(All fuviinj lite shifuf. slug). 

(-'HORUS. 

Hail ! All hail I Inspirer Thou ! 
. See ! Before thy might we bow. 
Inspired ! Inspirer I — Both\bou art, 
Take I Oh I take each eager heart ! 

Grant that we may better be — 
Dreaming, soaring, more like thee ! 
Point us to a high ideal — 
Let us thine own yearnings feel I 

(As they sing the foUoiring verse. Students (ind Maidens 
approach the statue, and. intervningting. kneel i)i a rast sdni- 
cirde before it). 

Coming to thy holy shrine 
We confess that we are thine. 
See ! Oh, Plato, how each face 
Turns, beseeching for thy grace I 

(Paiisi))g for (( momodwith up-turned faces, and out-stretched 
arms, they Ikiv their Jieads. vhile Agatha addresses the statue). 

Agatha. Hear, oh, Plato, we beseech thee I We come 
this morning — two score of zealous hearts— entreating for a 
gi-acious answer ! Appoint, we pray thee, one of our number 
who shall forever consecrate herself to thee ! Who shall 
ever tend and guard thee ; into whose heart the thought of 
man — other than thyself (to her a god)— shall never enter. 
Oh, Plato, hear us, we beseech thee I Grant this favor, and 
when thou hast thus honored one of our number, we. the 



DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 41 

others, promise all to innrry, and, ever loving thee bettei' 
than our lawful husbands, to ti-y, by wifely authority, to 
elevate mankind. 

Chorus of Maidens. 

Yea ! we promise all to marry. 
And to try to love thee best. 
Oh ! appoint one of our number 
We most earnestly request I 

The Oracle. 

Thy prayer hath been heard, ye faithful ! 
And I, by my right divine. 
Decree that throughout her lifetime 
Agatha shall be mine I 

( Wild ('(nis(crn(itlt)ii rustics fur a moment. AGATHA, //( 
(h'.spair, turns from the slaltic; xud the tiTVDESTS, overjoi/ed (d 
their success, leap to their feet, (iiid hi <i moment are followed Iji/ 
the Maidens, delighted at their freedom. The Students, 
throiviny up their mps <i)id opeirirKj their yoims, disdo.^e their 
identity, and <dl break into a ylad elionis). 

Chorus. 

Hurrah I hurrah for the married state I 
At last we've all of us met '* our fate." 
The world is not such a barren place 
If somewhere in it there lurks a face 
Foi' }ou — for you I 

They say that marriages failures are, 
Ha, ha ! they cannot our pleasure mar — 
Perhaps it's so — but where Love is King 
We're sure there cannot be such a thing — 
Arn't you — sui'e too V 

Terrestra. 

And now, dear Harold, do tell me true 
If I am I, and if you are you. 
Indeed, I never thought otherwise — 
And you — although you show much surpi'ise — 
Did you — doubt too ? 



42 DREAM camp; or, a modern craze. 

Chorus. 

Ha, ha I Miss Agatha, why so sad V 
A statue never has habits bad. 
Man more sedate you never could find — 
Indeed, you've one to just suit your mind — 
Embrace — that face I 

Pythia. 

How vain a thing is philosophy ! 
I think in that you will all agree. 
To love one minute does one more good 
Than years of studying ever could — 
We know — that's so I 

CHORUS. 

Yes. now ■ - nlaidens will never leave 

I ( you ) 

The woman's sphere, you had best believe I 

And she, our priestess, we'll leave alone 

To wed a man with a heifrt of stone — 

To you, adieu I 

(Cuftain). 



ACT III. 
(Containing the Epilogue). 

(Scene. — A laicn, with trees on either side, and a slight 
eminence in the rear. At the back, to the extreme right, is the 
side of a house, just visible. To the left of center is a pump, 
against trhich Agidha is leaning, asleep, ivith a pilloiv behind her 
hack, and an open book on her lap. On the right is a hammock 
swung from between two trees. In the hamniock are seated 
Pythia and Alphonso Remington White. All are 
dre.%'<ed in ordinary .'hummer outing co.'<tunu's. As the curtain 
rises a chorus is heard in the di.'<tance). 

Chorus. 

Hurrah, hurrah for the girl sedate ! 
When all alone she will do first rate. 
But I j)refer one with actions free 
P\)r she's the kind that will best suit me. 
Do we — agree 'f 

(Chorus, entering from left). 

And as to men let's have something gay, 
Who'll flirt hy night and will work by day ; 
And if he's rich and can idle be 
It's all the better for you and me — 
He'll play — all day. 

(Pythia and Alphonso rising, advance to meet chorus). 

Alphonso. Hush I Our chaperone is asleep. Please do 
not disturb her. 

(C^horus laughs). 

Ideala. Is it not nice — we got back ./w.s< in time to meet 
the boat. 



IDREAM CAMP; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 



Pythia. Yes. so you did I Have you had a good walk? 

Aglaia. Oh, ixrj'cctli/ splendid ! I wisli that vou and 
Alphonso liad come. 

A. Ferdinand (tKay. Oli, they have been having a good 
time you may be sure I 

Alphonso. Of course .we have — why, do you know, 
madam chaperone has been asleep ever /ince quarter past 
eight ! Well, Hoop La, what did you think of the view 
from the top of the hill ? 

Hoop La. Ver nice I ver nice I Both the view and 
pr-ospect — ver nice ! 

A. Ferdinand Gray. Well, any one going down to the 
dock ? 

Chorus {hrylmiing to rct'nr id rii/ht). 

Huri-ah I hui-rah ! we are off again — 
A score of maidens, a score of men. 
And whafs so gay as a man and maid 
Before their married and grown too staid- - 
To you, adieu I 

(Agatha xloirfi/ aivakms. Pythia (ind Alphonso crmw to 
her.) 

Alphonso. Well, madam — have you had a good sleep ? 

Agatha [dazed and rubbing her ^//f.s). Yes, thank you. 
But you will not leave me, will you, Pythia ? And must I 
mari'y the statue V 

Pythia. Leave you? 

Alphonso. Marry a statue? 

Pythia. Pijlhia '. Why. my name is not Pythia. 



DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 45 

Agatha (starting). "Vyhat ! Josephine Jones ! Is that 
you V [looking around and getting up). Why, you don't mean 
to say that I have been dreaming f {She drojjs off again. 
Enter Terrestra ond Harold Augustus Hobbs). And 
thei'e — thei-e is Terrestra with Hobbs — my Hobbs ! Take 
her away I — Come to your Agatha, Harold — come to your 
Ajj-atha I 

Harold. Agollia ! 

* 

Terr'estra. What t.s the matter with her ? 

(Alphonso /ooA-.s' on in grrol ostoni.'^liment). 

Pythia. I — I think she is dreamin"-. 

Agatha. Dreaming? {Turning to the pump). Yes! 
"Dreaming-, soaring more like thee.'' [She kneels irith out- 
stretched (ir)ns t>efore the pump. Others laugh). 

Harold. Is she crazy 'f 

Pythia. Oh I (^h 1 I hope not I 

Alphonso (7o»f7*/((f/ Agatha oh the slnnihler). Mrs. Mac! 

Agatha. A man I A man I Take him away ! {All shake 
their heads confounded). I-wonder why-the-phonograph-did 
not work I 

Terrestra. I declare I I do not believe that she is 
awake yet. It must be some kind of a night mare that she 
has. Come Josephine, help me shake her ! ( Thei/ shetke her 
riolentlg, and ,^he iv((kes (md stands up smilingh:/.) 

Agatha (looking ((round). I must have dropped off to 
sleep for a moment I 

Alphonso. To sleep I Well. " I should smile 1 " 
Pythia. And what hnrr you been dreaming about V 



46 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 

Agatha. Dreaming ! Why, I have not been dreaming. 
Oh, yes I now you spealc of it, I do vaguely remember being 
isomewhat distui'bed — but T have not the slightest idea what 
■ it was all about I 

Harold [picking up her book ). Let us see what you were 
r-eading. Perhaps that will give you some clue — (refith) 
*•' Selections from Plato." Does that help you any ■r' 

Agatha. Why, yes I I know ! It was something about 
Plato ! In some way I thought that we girls were all disciples 
of his, and you men were not. And Harold, do you know 
that I was desperately jealous of you and Terrestra — Caro- 
line, I mean. 

Alphonso ((ud Pythia. How pcrfcdhi absurd I 

Agatha. Yes ! My own brother, too I 

[Enter Chokus from ri<jlit). 

Harold. What do you think V Mrs. Macl:)eth has had 
the most absurd di-eam I She thought that we were all 
followers of Plato. 

Different Members OF Chorus.. Of Plato 1 Imagine 
it ! We ! Impossible I 

M. Malcolm Macbeth (coniing fonr((rd and piittiny /;./,s 
hands on Agatha's xhoidderfi ). Why, wifey, what is the 
matter ? Have you been eating too much candy, of late ? 

Agatha ( clipping her hand into his pocket, and taking out a 
piece ). Oh ! no, Macintosh Malcolm, never too much I 
But, don^t you know, we have been married such a little 
while, that I am hardly used to chaperoning yet. And, 
{looking around ho2Jclessl)/ ) it is such a responsibility. No 
wonder 1 dreamed about it all ! ( I'he others laugh ) But at 
the end I thought that you all left Plato — and me too, and, 
going off to be married, left me ( Jiunis) •' to wed a man with 
heart of stone." 



DREAM camp; OK, A MODERN CRAZE. 



M. Malcolm Macbeth. Well, I like that ! 

Harold. But it was a blood-stone was it not V 

Agatha. Well, I don't know I It is a precious stone any- 
way. 

Epilogue. 

Clarence Brown .Tones. Solo. 

Dreaming, dreaming'. Oh, what visions 

One in slumbering may see I 

Airy castles, phantom figures. 

— When the world of fancy's entered 

All becomes reality. 

Who can tell what fair Madonnas 
Bless the painter while he sleeps. 
Or what fancies born in slumber, 
— Visions fai- to fair for language 
In his soul, the poet keeps ? 

There's a world that's interwoven 
In this object world of ours, 
" Fancy " o'er its gate is written. 
And in dreaming we may enter, 
^-Rest within its shady bowers. 

Full Chorus. 

To this world, where fancies wand'ring 
Soon become endowed with life. 
We have opened wide the portal, 
— Let you for an ev'ning witness 
Phantom love in phantom strife ; 

Shown what in real life might happen. 

Should we all philosophise — 

Yet, though women did the learning. 

And the men were ever idle. 

Love, surmovmting all, would rise I 

Curtain. 



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